Comments on: Bernie (Part Seven)

By: Moksha Gren

Moksha Gren — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:15:45 +0000

Excellent chapter, but I’m curious what it will end up adding to the story. And that’s got me wondering about Shonda…and any remaining anger about the death of Kenneth on the part of some of the other “party-goers.”

By: Dave

Dave — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 12:25:35 +0000

Sorry I haven’t commented lately, but I have been reading (I’ve read 3 in a row to catch up).

The best chapter yet.. helps explain at least part of her past.

By: One Wink

One Wink — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 15:28:01 +0000

On a totally unrelated subject and mostly because I’m on my second cup of caffeine and still not “on track” (Yay, Saturday Morning!) I just had a thought… Two Winks at a Time would exorcise that devil, what, in half the time???

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 15:02:06 +0000

One Wink again (another wink?) - Fixed the spelling. It probably was just a late-night typo.

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 14:59:05 +0000

One Wink - Thanks for the input on how a 17-year-old girl would think. That’s good information for a man trying to write a female character (especially when his wife’s not keeping up with the story — hint-hint).

By: One Wink

One Wink — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 23:07:57 +0000

Really tense chapter. As I’m reading this, I’m trying to get back to my 17-year-old self, exploring the kinds of feelings I might have had in this situation. The only real difference (from what you’re describing of Bernie’s emotions and actions) is that I would be totally consumed by Kenneth and whether or not he was safe, alive, or worse.
Ah, you spelled semicircular wrong… ;-P
I’m wondering if Shonda had a similar experience with Kenneth, or someone else.
There is so much yet to tell! Whatever you do, don’t rush yourself. It’s such a good story, let it tell itself.

By: Simon

Simon — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:29:32 +0000

Having an idea of where the story is headed definitely makes a difference. If you have a theme and a direction to work with, I think that would make it a whole bunch easier. And then keeping the individual chapters fairly linear (like this one) give the reader something to focus on, and a protagonist to care about.

By: Mark

Mark — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:21:27 +0000

Simon - Interesting that you say that, because it appears either readership has dropped or everybody’s decided to remain tight-lipped. I know some folks prefer to wait until it’s finished and then read it all in one lump (or at least at their own leisure).

It’s also interesting because not a word of this chapter existed until my lunch hour before posting it. I wrote some of it then, and the rest that night. Now, it’s all on the fly, so it could get a little bumpy!

Actually, I already have a decent idea where it’s headed, so that should make a difference.

By: Simon

Simon — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 14:53:35 +0000

I think that was your most engaging chapter yet, Mark. Very well written. I like how it ends up being Bernie’s reliving of the events as she showers. And leads nicely into the meeting with Shonda at the Inn. You’re tying those threads together; helps make the story mesh.

And that sort of reaction to the death of a popular, athletic student (especially in a relatively small town) is, unfortunately, a little too plausible.